and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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