I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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