I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
