the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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