Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
