Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
