Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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