I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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