I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
