I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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