Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
