I molested 6 butterflies tonight
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
