tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
