if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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