I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
