I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
