She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
