My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize