He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
