Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
