you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
the raccoons are back...
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