My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
