Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
