I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
