I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
