is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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