At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
