where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
