a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
