So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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