There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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