I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
