I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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