just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
