So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
