So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Never underestimate the power of titties
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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