And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
