My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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