I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
