I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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