so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
