So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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