Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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