used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
