glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
time to smoke my breakfast
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
