Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
