I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
