it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
