i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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