you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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