how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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