My liver just broke up with me...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
