There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
