I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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