So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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