yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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