i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
