Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
