Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize