I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize