Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
