It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
