PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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