I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
