piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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