I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
