bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
