Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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