Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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