thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
