i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
