i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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