I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
