I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
