I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
